Nick Zimmerman

It has been a while since I have done any writing here. I took some time to explore my world and what I want to do. It has been a really interesting fall and winter working through the process of beginning to get a grip on my disability. I have made some progress and increased my overall happiness with who I am and where I am going.

The who I am part is extremely complicated. That is something I have known, and now that I am starting to dig around in it, I have found that the depths of who I am are starting to make String Theory look like child’s play. Trying to unwind this mess of what I am, how I got to be where I am, and who I want to be is challenging at best.

Where I am going is a bit simpler. My goals in life are well defined now. I want to move into academics and research in information technology. I am currently working on my MSIT in Enterprise Software Architecture. I am working on a couple of journal articles and scribbling down some ideas for research projects. I already enjoy the time I spend teaching and mentoring others in the workplace, so teaching at a college level will definitely be rewarding.

The biggest challenge in getting there is keeping myself on track and starting to put myself out there. Although I have said it before, I need to start blogging more regularly and interacting with my peers more. I really hope to start generating some useful material and feedback. My goal is to start making at least two posts a week on any topic. The feedback hopefully will come as become more prolific.

Powered by Qumana

I am not a people person. That is an undisputed fact among those who know me. It is not that I dislike people or that I have some desire to be alone. If I can deal with you on an intellectual level without the need for emotional interaction, we will get on fine. I simply don’t want to deal with the emotional interactions that are inevitably required when dealing with people.

Emotions and drama make me uncomfortable. I don’t understand them, and I do not empathize. I do not know how to react to emotional situations since I don’t understand that basis for them. I will avoid or remove myself from these situations because of the discomfort I feel.

I finally understand that the reason I am this way is because of Asperger’s Syndrome. I had never understood my emotional detachment and discomfort until I began to understand the true cause of it. I have spent a great deal of my life trying to grasp this odd bit of me, and now I finally get it.

I just hope that the people around me can start understanding that my impatience or indifference to their emotions or life dramas is not me having a bad day or being an ass. It is because you make me uncomfortable when you gush about your latest medical drama, pet issue, child rearing woes, or significant other debacle.

I don’t know how to react to your emotions because largely I am puzzled as to why this everything you are blathering on about is even important at all. I see the problem. I see the possible resolutions. I don’t understand the need to get all emotional about it. And I certainly have no idea what to say to make you feel better. So please, understand that if you feel the need to be an emotional fountain in my presence, I will probably excuse myself, and if you try to force me into dealing with your emotional baggage, I will probably say something that you won’t like.

I try very hard to be understanding that emotions are generally more important to people than they are to me, but I think I deserve the same consideration when it comes to not playing out your personal drama in my presence.

Powered by Qumana